


Death Eaters in Disguise

by CaelistisRydraline



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bands, Crack Fic, Death Eaters, Gen, Humour, Music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:48:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaelistisRydraline/pseuds/CaelistisRydraline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucius, Antonin, and Rodolphus make a band. A Death Eater band, in fact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death Eaters in Disguise

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know what inspired this, go and listen to Oliver Boyd and the Remembralls' song Spells and Scars. Go on. Go listen.

It had all started when the Malfoys had started hosting Death Eater meetings again. Narcissa always insisted upon serving tea and cakes afterward, which led to Lucius serving spirits in the next room. And, of course, no one wanted to apparate after drinking, so the spare rooms would then be filled.

Dolohov would never have been heard singing in the shower, otherwise. And Lestrange would be more likely to take a good crucio than admit to being a drummer while sober. And although everyone knew Lucius had a flair for the dramatics as well as a gift for music which rivalled his skills in torture, no one would have expected his suggestion the morning after the latest meeting.

"Not a chance." Antonin looked supremely unimpressed as he sipped his coffee.

"But Antonin, it would be fun!" Lucius pleaded, his voice bordering on a whine.

"Well, I don't intend to have the entire world know that I'm even remotely musical," Rodolphus said, reaching for the marmalade. "I'd never hear the end of it!"

"But no one would have to know it was us! We'd wear masks!" Lucius explained brightly. His breakfast companions looked unconvinced, not that he noticed. "We could call it… 'Lucius and the Death Eaters'!"

Antonin and Rodolphus merely groaned.

"Fine, fine, ' _Antonin_ and the-'"

"If we put our names in, it defeats the purpose of the masks, you dolt," the new namesake pointed out.

"What about 'Masked Men'?" Rodolphus suggested. Lucius seemed to be considering it, but Dolohov put his hand down on that. He found himself rejecting quite a few of ideas as Lucius and Rodolphus bounced ideas back and forth. 'Masked Men' was probably the worst, though 'Death Eater Surprise' and 'Voldie and the Death Eaters' came pretty close.

"You two are hopeless." The two in question glared at Antonin.

"Haven't heard any suggestions from _you_ ," Lucius said.

Dolohov stirred more sugar into his third cup of coffee, thinking. He'd be damned if he couldn't think up a better name than them.

"What about 'Death Eaters in Disguise'? DED for short." Lucius' eyes lit up at this suggestion. Rodolphus didn't look _quite_ as impressed (though Antonin suspected it was due to being shown up in their 'contest'), but he agreed to it.

When he left the Manor that afternoon, Antonin realized that he hadn't even agreed to take part in the band and he'd still ended up in it. Bloody Malfoys.

OoO

Lucius firecalled him later that week, catching Antonin as he walked through his kitchen in only his pyjamas. When he caught sight of him, Lucius launched into his reason for calling without so much as a 'good morning, lousy weather, why are you wearing hippogriff pyjamas?'.

"I've got a song! I've been working on it all night, and it's finished! Since you're the one to sing it, I thought I'd call you first. Get dressed and come over so you can read it!"

As Antonin opened his mouth to reply, Lucius' head disappeared from the flames. He sighed, setting his orange juice on the island, and trudging back up to his room.

When Antonin arrived at the manor, he was greeted by a tiny house elf.

"Good morning, Mister Dolohov, sir. Master Malfoy and Mister Lestrange be waiting for yous," she squeaked. "Follow me, please!"

Sighing yet again, Dolohov shrugged off his cloak, dropping it onto a nearby chair before moving after the elf.

When Antonin opened the door of the room he had been led to, he froze, blinking in disbelief at what he saw.

Lucius had conjured up a large variety of instruments, as well as some slightly old-fashioned muggle-style microphones and speakers. The fact that it all lacked wires told him (to his great relief) that it was for aesthetic purposes only. Still…

Rodolphus was sitting behind a large drum set, which, Antonin noticed with yet another sigh (Merlin, what was he, a girl?), had the dark mark printed on the sides. Lucius stood next to him, his back to the doors as he spoke.

"It needs to really mesh with what I showed you –"

Antonin cleared his throat, and the blond whirled around, beaming as he saw who it was. He pulled a parchment from his robes as he strode over.

"Here. This is it. Rodolphus and I were just working on some of the music. I'll show you the tune I had in mind."

Antonin nodded absently, already skimming through the words. Much as he loathed to admit it, he _could_ hear a decent tune to them even as he read. To his disbelief, what Lucius played for him didn't sound half bad, either. A couple sections needed to be tweaked a bit, and perhaps it could all be sped up a little, but really it wasn't bad at all…

Two hours later, Antonin would admit – to himself and _no one_ else – that if questioned under veritaserum, he couldn't quite deny that he was enjoying himself.

The muggle additions were, to his surprise, decent accessories. He quite liked being able to move about with the microphone he had, as opposed to simply using a sonorous charm (which was cast on the object anyway, but that was beside the point).

Lucius had, about half an hour into their practice, transfigured the far wall into a mirror. Antonin had to say that it _was_ a good idea. Their appearance was an important part of this all. They were discussing that now, sitting in the next room with some drinks.

"Black and silver for the cloaks, then?" Lucius asked. The others nodded their confirmations. "What about the masks?"

"Silver versions of our own?" Antonin suggested. "Would be simple enough."

Anton actually found himself looking forward to their next practice as he left. That wasn't to say that he'd gotten over the fact that Lucius had pretty much tricked him into doing his; Anton was still _very_ interested in payback. But it was rather fun to let go of their usual stern and unforgiving demeanours.

And he really _did_ enjoy singing.

OoO

A month and a half later, Narcissa found herself serving tea to Elizaveta Dolohov and (to her everlasting regret) Bellatrix Lestrange. It was at the very least a biweekly occurrence now, while their peculiar husbands had their band practice.

Narcissa had been thoroughly unimpressed with the idea, and her opinion of the entire plan had sunk lower and lower as Lucius had gone over the name and ideas for the band. Death Eaters in Disguise. She could only hope that the Dark Lord heard nothing of it. Or that at the very least he had a sense of humour. As it was, Narcissa was perfectly content to socialize while the boys –

All three women cringed as sound erupted from somewhere beneath them. With a shared look (and a shudder at Bella's) they pulled out their wands, pointing them at the room below with a chorused 'silencio' (the fact that it was indeed three voices comforted Narcissa somewhat). The music immediately ceased.

"Prepare for the fireworks," Elizaveta noted, rolling her eyes.

"I told him to soundproof the room. But he's worried about what Draco might get up to if he leaves the spell up."

Bella grinned. "I could always remind him for you, Cissy. I don't think he'll forget if I do."

"Don't tempt me, Bella."

Furious stomping sounded in the hallway, and Elizaveta sighed. "Well, here comes trouble."

The door swung open to three irate Death Eaters. They walked into the room, coming to a halt before their wives. Lucius shot a wary look at Bellatrix, but tapped his foot impatiently as he waited.

"You _know_ what I told you," Narcissa said, unimpressed by her husband's 'threatening' appearance. She was sure it worked on lesser people, but she'd be ashamed to call herself a Malfoy if she couldn't stand up to that look after all these years. "Soundproof the room, or I won't stand up for you against Bella, next time," she said with a flick of her wand.

OoO

It wasn't long before a new band appeared on the WWN. Death Eaters in Disguise was easily the most popular wrock band in Britain, especially among Hogwarts students.

Filch had quickly banned the music in the hallways, though the professors were quite lax about enforcing the rule.

"It's a peculiar angle to use, isn't it?" Hermione mused one night, DED filling the common room.

"A bit," Harry agreed. "But I think that's part of the attraction."

They were silent for a while, homework lying forgotten on the table while they swayed to the music. As the chorus surged, Harry laughed.

"I wonder what Tom thinks of all this."

Ron snorted. "He'd probably have a bloody fit. Bet he'd think it was disrespectful to his minions."

"Dunno if he cares about his minions, mate. He crucios them too much." Harry pointed out.

"To him, then. You'll know either way though, hey?"

Harry nodded, making a face. "S'pose so."

OoO

Antonin scowled as he made his way into the meeting room. He had one of their damn songs stuck in his head. To make it even better, it was the _chorus_ of one of their songs, _Down With the Boy-Who-Lived_ , the most popular song on their album, _Minions of the Dark Lord_.

When he sidled into place beside Lucius, the blond looked over.

"What's wrong?"

Antonin told him, his feelings of irritation only increasing when Lucius laughed at him. He was about to retort, but silenced himself as the Dark Lord swept into the room, his robes billowing out behind him. Antonin knew he used a spell for it; he was pretty sure they _all_ knew. It just didn't look natural. Now Snape's robe billow, _that_ was real. No enhancements there.

"How many of you, my faithful followers, listen to the Wireless Wizarding Network?" Voldemort asked quietly, pacing at the front of the room. He turned, watching them. "Well?"

The Death Eaters gathered (his 'inner circle') raised their hands, feeling rather foolish. Their lord nodded.

"And I trust you have heard of this new band that's come about? The 'Death Eaters in Disguise'?" his voice was soft and dangerous.

Soft murmurs of assent filled the room, and Antonin felt his heart jump a little. This wasn't sounding good…

"I have listened to some of it, myself. My dear Bellatrix thought to point it out to me.

"Upon hearing the name, I was rather concerned that the music would be… _distasteful_. And when I listened, I found I recognized the voice of the group." Antonin's stomach dropped as Voldemort's glittering eyes rested on him. "Antonin Dolohov," he said quietly, beckoning him forward.

"This was your idea?" he asked when Antonin had reached him.

"Well, not exactly, my lord," the Death Eater said hesitantly. The Dark Lord didn't like excuses. But if he were going down because of this, then so would Lucius and Rodolphus. He hadn't even agreed to the band!

"Oh? A group project, I see. And your partner would be…"

"Lucius Malfoy, my lord. And Rodolphus Lestrange." The two found themselves up at the front with Antonin, then, standing before the Dark Lord.

"My Lord, I-"

"Hush, Lucius, or I may rethink your reward."

Anton smirked mentally at Lucius being actually stunned into silence before registering what their master had said. Reward?

"I am quite impressed," the dark wizard continued. "I _am_ rather irritated, of course, that you chose not to approach me before you began, but I suppose, given your success, this can be overlooked. You have excelled in catching the attention of most of Britain. I am interested to see how you proceed to use this." Voldemort waved them back to their places, moving finally to his own seat.

"You three will remain behind when this is over, and I will discuss your reward."

As he moved on to speak to Crabbe, Lucius sank a pointy elbow into Anton's side. With a nearly inaudible curse, Anton whipped his head to the right to see the blond glaring at him.

" _What_?" he hissed.

"You got that _bloody_ song stuck in my head!"

Smirking in satisfaction, Antonin sat back to listen to the rest of the meeting. He had a lovely idea to repay Lucius for pulling him into that band, now.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be a picture. When I heard Spells and Scars, my first thought was 'I should draw something for this'. Then, when I was thinking about what the DE's in the picture would look like, I imagined Lucius in there. So, of course, I was then attacked by a plot bunny. Ah well. It's not too bad, I think.


End file.
